Thursday, March 31, 2011

Up in Smoke

Lately I've found myself with a rather out-of-character obsession... I find the image of a beautiful woman smoking to be incredible sexy. I'm not a fan of the taste or smell, but there's just something about it that I find intriguing.

*special mention must go out to my sexy friend Alèz, who smokes the sexiest cigarettes. Those slim Vogues are so sexy and add to the raw sexiness of her as a whole. I never knew how sexy you actually are until I saw you smoking those sexy Cigarettes. I'm so in love with you. Go die.*

I would like to marry you. Please<3

Here's a sexy picture of my sexy friend, Alèz. You're so sexy. and your faaaice.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

For the Love of Cheesy Puffs

I am so love drunk on cheesy puffs. But not the cheesy puffs you're thinking about. I mean the little cheese sausage rolls that you buy from spar and then bake them at home. I'm borderline obsessed and I know Sarah and Kieran are too!

Ps - if they don't have the cheesy ones, do not, I repeat, DO NOT settle for the chicken ones *insert sick face here*

But that's enough about delicious cheesy puffs. I had a really awesome time this week with the Dance, You're on Fire boys and getting serenaded by Tom and being so love drunk on his humps.

I've really enjoyed getting closer to Sarah Scrimgeour and just always being so drunk in her presence. I love how Sarah, Kieran and I will stand in the middle of Mercury and play our imaginary instruments while people look at us like we're crazy and how we can laze on the couch all day, watching Cougar Town, Family Guy and Vampire Diaries while eating Cheesy puffs and not even care.

I've started to make a lovely family here in Cape Town and I feel absolutely lucky to have them:)

On a side note - some people are just flat out rude and should get off their high horse. That's all:)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Girls and a love for Girls

You have obviously picked up that I am not straight. I say "not straight" instead of saying "I'm gay" because lately I feel as there's a certain stereotype that clings to the term "gay" and it's a stereotype that I don't feel I fit. When I say "lesbian" the common characteristics are:

  • Likes sports
  • Drinks beer
  • Loves sushi
  • Is either vegan or vegetarian
  • Prefers the more manly looking clothes
  • Short nails, Short hair, minimal (if any) make up
(that is just a generalisation, do not take it to heart)

And the reason why I feel like I break the mold is because I find myself (especially since I've become more independent) being more girly.
  • For one, I'm growing my hurrs. I just crave long mermaid hurrs. haha I said "hurrs"
  • The other day I cut my nails and I honestly found myself sadder than usual to say goodbye to my pretty long nails, so much so that I can't wait to get them that length again.
  • I love my make up. I couldn't possibly go out without at least some effort in the facial area.
  • I can't bring myself to wear a t-shirt. I almost cringe at the manly-ness of them (okay that's a bit extreme but I have a point to make)
  • I in no way enjoy watching sports while drinking beer. I actually don't drink beer full stop. I won't even drink ciders and I find a girl with a beer in her hand to be very unattractive.
  • I like meat. mostly chicken and tuna. mmm chicken.
  • And I refuse to eat sushi (unless I fall in love with a girl who just happens to be allergic to everything but sushi)
I just think there's something so beautiful about two girls being in love. Everything is intensified. Happiness, jealousy, romance, just the raw emotions. You can share a lifetime of feelings within a few months and I find it hard to not see the beauty in that (now I just sound love drunk on her humps) but really. I know I'm definitely biased about this, but I find few things more beautiful than a woman's body. A body that inspires art and artist day after day after months and years and even decades. Although I'm not straight and it isn't the easiest road to be on, I count all my blessing to be able to experience this form of art. To get inside a girl's heart, is poetry and I'm grateful that I get to be the poet<3

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Herp

There's so much that went on this week. I don't even know where to start.

Well I had a lovely girl by the name of Daniela stay over. Although I couldn't party with her during the week due to college and my new presenter (yes, you heard right) responsibilities, I truly loved just being in her presence and walking around town, singing out loud and speaking to midget blacks, indulging in late night quiche and R15 cocktails. Picnics and sunsets<3

Unfortunately I got a case of "The herp" or "The AIDS" as I've been referring to it as. I seem to get a fever blister every year before the first change of season and this bitch on my face really just killed my spirit, so I drowned my sorrows in spirits and had to keep from kissing the lovely people of Cape Town. Harder than you might think.

Because of The AIDS I've been talking crazy. Crazy talk I tell you. I've said things like "I'm becoming asexual" and "I don't want anybody." But let me just clear up the air. I am not afraid to love and I know that when I find you, I'm going to love you with everything I have. I'll even wash your car and plait your long mermaid hurrrs :P

But in other news, Carmen Tittie Fuck was in Cape Town and last night we showed her exactly what CPT can do. After moon-walking around town for Carnival and heel-clicking up and down roads, to drinking "Smurfs" and Jam Jars until we couldn't even play a decent game of pool, I think its safe to say that we were knee deep in bitches last night!

Tonight I'm going to smash some Sarah in my face and have a little picnic in her house, while watching series and talking tits and ass with the boys<3 my favourite kind of picnics.

That's all I have for you right now, but I have an epic week ahead planned, so look out for my adventures with Kim at Fiction, watching Dance, You're on Fire and then jamming with the lead singer Tom and Sarah afterwards and updates concerning my new presenting occupation!

Bye now<3

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Dream To Write

These words like roses
have edged towards me,
Beautifully seducing,

I can’t remember when it was –
The time I
In love –
Like an itching I can only dream to scratch.

From childish lashes, to experienced lids,
my eyes have always hungered for what he possesses:
a Poet within these longing hands,
Poetry to spill from within this sighing mouth.

Every attempt at creation:
unrequited love;
That so quick,
Takes my words
And spits them

Lifting the too-light pen
and weighing my words down with the heavy beats,
beats of this rejection-filled heart,
I write.
I write and write and write and –


The day I became a Poet:
or remembered more fondly:
The day Poetry loved

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Skeleton Woman

She had done something of which her father disapproved, although no one any longer remembered what it was. But her father had dragged her to the cliffs and thrown her over and into the sea. There, the fish ate her flesh away and plucked out her eyes. As she lay under the sea, her skeleton turned over and over in the currents.

One day a fisherman came fishing, well, in truth many came to this bay once. But this fisherman had drifted far from his home place and did not know that the local fisherman stayed away, saying this inlet was haunted.

The fisherman's hook drifted down through the water, and caught of all places, in the bones of Skeleton Woman's rib cage. The fisherman thought, "Oh, now I've really got a big one! Now I really have one!" In his mind he was thinking of how many people this great fish would feed, how long it would last, how long he might be free from the chore of hunting. And as he struggled with this great weight on the end of the hook, the sea was stirred to a thrashing froth, and his kayak bucked and shook, for she who was beneath struggled to disentangle herself. And the more she struggled, the more she tangled in the line. No matter what she did, she was inexorably dragged upward, tugged up by the bones of her own ribs.

The hunter had turned to scoop up his net, so he did not see her bald head rise above the waves, he did not see the little coral creatures glinting in the orbs of her skull, he did not see the crustaceans on her old ivory teeth. When he turned back with his net, her entire body, such as it was, had come to the surface and was hanging from the tip of his kayak by her long front teeth.

"Agh!" cried the man, and his heart fell into his knees, his eyes hid in terror on the back of his head, and his ears blazed bright red. "Agh!" he screamed, and knocked her off the prow with his oar and began paddling like a demon toward shoreline. And not realizing she was tangled in his line, he was frightened all the more for she appeared to stand upon her toes while chasing him all the way to shore. No matter which way he zigged his kayak, she stayed right behind, and her breath rolled over the water in clouds of steam, and her arms flailed out as though to snatch him down into the depths.

"Agh!" he wailed as he ran aground. In one leap he was out of his kayak, clutching his fishing stick and running, and the coral white corpse of skeleton woman, still snagged in the fishing line, bumpety-bumped behind right after him. Over the rocks he ran, and she followed. Over the frozen tundra he ran, and she kept right up. Over the meat laid out to dry he ran, cracking it to pieces as his mukluks bore down.

Throughout it all she kept right up, in fact, she grabbed some of the frozen fish as she was dragged behind. This she began to eat, for she had not gorged in a long, long time. Finally, the man reached his snowhouse and dove right into the tunnel and on hands and knees scrabbled his way into the interior. Panting and sobbing he lay there in the dark, his heart a drum, a mighty drum. Safe at last, oh so safe, yes, safe thank the Gods, Raven, yes, thank Raven, yes, and all bountiful Sedna, safe... at...last.

Imagine when he lit his whale oil lamp, there she - it - lay in a tumble upon his snow floor, one heel over her shoulder, one knee inside her rib cage, one foot over her elbow. He could not say later what it was, perhaps the firelight softened her features, or the fact that he was a lonely man... but a feeling of some kindness came into his breathing, and slowly he reached out his grimy hands and using words softly like a mother to child, began to untangle her from the fishing line.

"Oh, na, na, na." First he untangled the toes, then the ankles. "Oh, na, na, na." On and on he worked into the night, until dressing her in furs to keep her warm, Skeleton Woman's bones were all in the order a human's should be.

He felt into his leather cuffs for his flint and used some of his hair to light a little more fire. He gazed at her from time to time as he oiled the precious wood of his fishing stick and rewound the gut line. And she in the furs uttered not a word - she did not dare - lest this hunter take her out and throw her down to the rocks and break her bones to pieces utterly.

The man became drowsy, slid under his sleeping skins, and soon was dreaming. And sometimes as humans sleep, you know, a tear escapes from the dreamer's eye; we never know what sort of dream causes this, but we know it is either a dream of sadness or longing. And this is what happened to the man.

Skeleton Woman saw the tear glisten in the firelight and she became suddenly soooo thirsty. She tinkled and clanked and crawled over to the sleeping man and put her mouth to his tear. The single tear was like a river and she drank and drank and drank until her many-years-long thirst was slaked.

While lying beside him, she reached inside the sleeping man and took out his heart, the mighty drum. She sat up and banged on both sides of it: Bom Bomm!.....Bom Bomm!

As she drummed, she began to sing out "Flesh, flesh, flesh! Flesh, Flesh, Flesh!" And the more she sang, the more her body filled out with flesh. She sang for hair and good eyes and nice fat hands. She sang the divide between her legs, and breasts long enough to wrap for warmth, and all the things a woman needs.

And when she was all done, she also sang the sleeping man's clothes off and crept into his bed with him, skin against skin. She returned the great drum, his heart, to his body, and that is how they awakened, wrapped one around the other, tangled from their night, in another way now, a good and lasting way.

The people who cannot remember how she came to her first ill fortune say she and the fisherman went away and were consistently well fed by the creatures she had known in her life under water. The people say that it is true and that is all they know.

* * *

An empty shell, awaiting love's fulfillment

Monday, March 14, 2011


I've been thinking so much lately. Thinking about everything that has happened and I can help but feel that I would do things a million different ways if I had the chance.

I guess all I have to offer now is, "I'm sorry"

It sounds so silly. Like some little girl's words. But now that I've said them. And probably mean them more than I ever have before, I think its time to cut myself loose of the situation.

I'm giving all of it to you. Putting myself in your hands and if its meant to be, it'll be. But I just can't wait around anymore.

Maybe its time I delete all traces of you. There's no good in holding onto memories when I'm the only one left holding on.

So here's to making new memories, because the old ones have surely forgotten me.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Love Like Mine

If only I could see me through your eyes...

<3 <3 <3

Uninvited by Alanis Morisette

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Letting Go

Today is the day to let go...

And it shall be done, whilst listening to Flyleaf<3

Here's to a Me without You.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Fair Heart

It was hard to hide the simple eagerness of my body as I held you close to my chest. So caught up I might have missed the single tear that crawled down my cheek. I wanted to tell you everything, just stream my life into you but I knew I had to slow down, I knew I could chase you away with the smallest slip-up.

I didn't realise how much I could miss a person, how happy I could be in a moment of reunion. Some people come into your life and even while they may be temporarily untouchable, they're never far away.

Seeing you last night helped pick up a few of the pieces I've been looking for. I'm still not quite sure where to place them, but I'm so grateful for you and the person you are and how your words are always instilled in my being.

I don't mind being a secret... You're so worth it.

Monday, March 7, 2011

If we...

When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever...


So this past weekend I was lucky enough to attend Ramfest and shit was crazy.

I got to see Dance, You're on Fire, Isochronous, Alkaline Trio and Funeral For a Friend


I got to dance my face off to Tom Deluxx and Haezer which was probably the happiest moment of my life!!!

One of my best friend's boyfriend came down from Johannesburg to attend it too. His name is Devin Harmer and he just rocks the life right out of me. Between him and Sarah Scrim, I had the best weekend ever and I am proud to say that I walked away with no voice and some severe bug I managed to contract (haha)

The best times:
-I slept with Devin...
-Sitting on the swings while
watching Haezer
-See-Sawing with Sarah
-Cold showers in the morning
-The mountains and the fake looking clouds
-all the boys shouting "JEN" whenever I walked past
-taking night time naps with Sarah and Tam Manners from Dance, Your on Fire
-"ohhh, are we footzie-ing?" -Devin
-While stroking my head "shhhh. Someone's ear looks like its in great danger of getting hair tucked behind it" - Devin
-""That girl in the costume... You could see her vagina" - Devin
-"Its a lot harder to snap a person in half than you think. I've tried" - Me
-looking at the stars with Sarah and just laughing at absolutely everything

Overall, this weekend was beautiful in so many ways and I'm so glad I get to be in CPT with Sarah<3

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ode to a Naked Beauty

By Pablo Neruda

With chaste heart, and pure
I celebrate you, my beauty,
restraining my blood
so that the line
surges and follows
your contour,
and you bed yourself in my verse,
as in woodland, or wave-spume:
earth's perfume,
sea's music.

Nakedly beautiful,
whether it is your feet, arching
at a primal touch
of sound or breeze,
or your ears,
tiny spiral shells
from the splendour of America's oceans.
Your breasts also,
of equal fullness, overflowing
with the living light
and, yes,
your eyelids of silken corn
that disclose
or enclose
the deep twin landscapes of your eyes.

The line of your back
separating you
falls away into paler regions
then surges
to the smooth hemispheres
of an apple,
and goes splitting
your loveliness
into two pillars
of burnt gold, pure alabaster,
to be lost in the twin clusters of your feet,
from which, once more, lifts and takes fire
the double tree of your symmetry:
flower of fire, open circle of candles,
swollen fruit raised
over the meeting of earth and ocean.

Your body - from what substances
agate, quartz, ears of wheat,
did it flow, was it gathered,
rising like bread
in the warmth,
and signalling hills
valleys of a single petal, sweetnesses
of velvet depth,
until the pure, fine, form of woman
and rested there?

It is not so much light that falls
over the world
extended by your body
its suffocating snow,
as brightness, pouring itself out of you,
as if you were
burning inside.

Under your skin the moon is alive.


If I could find a man that writes like this, I honest to God think that I could possibly marry him.

* * *

By Pablo Neruda

What's wrong with you, with us,
what's happening to us?
Ah our love is a harsh cord
that binds us wounding us
and if we want
to leave our wound,
to separate,
it makes a new knot for us and condemns us
to drain our blood and burn together.

What's wrong with you? I look at you
and I find nothing in you but two eyes
like all eyes, a mouth
lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed, more beautiful,
a body just like those that have slipped
beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world
like a wheat-colored jar
without air, without sound, without substance!
I vainly sought in you
depth for my arms
that dig, without cease, beneath the earth:
beneath your skin, beneath your eyes,
beneath your double breast scarcely
a current of crystalline order
that does not know why it flows singing.
Why, why, why,
my love, why?

From - Twenty Poems of Love

I am and forever will be, deeply in love with poetry.
In a world so fast-paced, poetry is the only thing that makes me stand still.

I have huge respect for this man. He captures the essence of all that is beautiful and pure and turns it into a picture of love. Gosh. I think I may just be in love with this man too.

* * *

By Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write for example: ‘The night is fractured
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Drunk as Drunk

By Pablo Neruda

Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.

Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.

Roller Derby

If you've seen the movie Whip It starring Ellen Page, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when I say Roller Derby.

This is a full-contact, female sport on wheels (quad roller skates) and involves barricades and girls being slammed into those barricades at high speed.

Basically, it is bad ass

This popular American sport has now made its way to South African turf and I am proud to announce I am part of Cape Town's own Derby team: The Nekrofrantic RollerGhoulz

We're just starting out but we have big plans for our team. If you are interested in following us, please look us up on Facebook or follow us on Twitter: Nekro_Rollerz

We also have a blog site that is still very new but will hopefully be up to scratch in no time. You can find it at:

Let's support this sexy sport and show the world that girls can be tough too!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


There is just something so real about how it feels when it hits you. You want to just get lost in it. Each beat, each vibration, each penetrating  pitch just shoots right through you. I know that if I stayed a while longer, I would be completely hooked. Addicted.

There is those days when you feel so unmoved by everything and although you don’t feel any desire to change it, that’s when you need to the most. You have to set yourself free and let go. Those are the days when I find myself craving it the most. And I tell myself, “If I can get up and just find a way there, everything will be okay.”
So without even realizing how I got there, I find myself in a sea of moving bodies. Everybody with the same intention as me. I can feel it in my cheeks and I always thought about the arb-ness of that; that the bass always starts around my head and then only makes its way to my chest, almost as if asking permission to enter my body.
Whatever its intentions, I oblige willingly. I want it to do with me what it wants. It now owns my body. For this moment, I am no one.

There is no controlling what happens after that. I move with no recollection of how or why, I just am. When I get the chance to open my eyes I see everyone else just as lost as me, no one is in pain, they’re all high, but not on some cheap narcotic, they’re high on the hypnosis the DJ has them under.
There’s a small spark of thought in the back of my mind, but even though my feet want to stop, I just can’t allow them, it’s not my choice to make. So I carry on moving. By now, there’s nothing in this room or even in the world that can touch me and I find myself in a web of lust and love. Yes, I have fallen in love with this sound, I have fallen in love with Dubstep and I know now that I can never take it back.

After it’s over and I reclaim my body, I walk away lighter, cleansed and hopeful that I will do it all again.