Venus

Coming to the end of this week, looking back at all that has happened, I feel that there is no other way to explain these happenings other than on some kind of higher power. That’s why when I recently spoke to someone and they mentioned that this past week has been one for heartbreak, due to something to do with Venus and it not behaving itself, I started to see things in a whole new light.

I’ve never been one to believe in what the planets have to add to our daily lives or that they hide some sort of secret message that only a few may decode, but I’ve come to a point where I can’t find any other reason for my life to fall apart in such a short amount of time, than to think that I had no control over it.

I guess that when it comes to love, egos shouldn’t come into the equation. And so when I say this, I say it with the risk of exposing that I have no reason to be egotistical and that instead, I have more right to feel insecure than ever. I recently found out that the person whom I couldn’t think about living a single day without, whom I made my world, whom I loved and continue to love and be inlove with, is no longer inlove with me and that this ‘falling-out-of-love’ took place quite some time ago.

People can tell you that you’ve changed, but the truth is, you’re the only person who can decide how you really feel, and if how you feel hasn’t changed then I think its safe to say that you haven’t either. Sometimes our reactions change as an act as to defend ourselves against the actions of those around us. The sad part is that sometimes when all you need and hope for is change, and it still doesn’t happen. You hope that the fact that you will never get over a certain person will change, but it won’t. you hope that every time your heartbreaks, it will get easier, but it won’t. you hope that she will come back and love you the way she used to or even look at you the way she used to, but she won’t.

I used to think love was unconditional, until I realised that something that special, only happens once in a lifetime, and if its not your turn, you can’t do anything to change it. You have to let that person go so that they can find their true unconditional love, even though it feels as if you can’t breathe without them. Even though its going to break your heart so bad that it may never be put back together again.

People don’t change, their feelings do. But what you have to realise is that if someone doesn’t feel the same anymore, you can’t keep them away from their happiness, you have to let them go so they can find someone who means to them,what they mean to you.

People have always made mistakes, that’s where the saying “we’re only human” comes from. and some mistakes, you will spend your whole life regretting. The thing is, if someone loves you as much as they say, those mistakes shouldn’t alter their view on you. They should stick around through it all, they should be able to forgive you for all the times when you didn’t make mistakes, for all the times when everything was going well, for all the times you knew you never wanted any other person than her. For all the times you knew your heart was going to break, but you thought she was worth it.

I stand here now, stripped of any pride I once possessed and I say this with any ounce of hope I have left in me:

I believe there will be a time that you will come back to me. You can call me a dreamer and you can tell me I’m stupid, but I just think that if you love someone enough, enough as I love you, hope is all you have, hope is the only thing that still connects me to you. And if you move on, I want you to know that I forgive you for everything and that I will never hold anything against you. And if you do come back to me, I will love you more than I ever have. I can’t see me living a life without you in it, but I can’t see you living an unhappy life either. So if at the end of the day, you realise that your true inner happiness will come from me not being in your life, then I would rather have my heart breaking and knowing that you are happy, than having your heart breaking and me being happy.

People come into our lives for a reason and I will never regret having anyone in it, even if I ended up losing them. Some say they “want to marry you under cherry blossom trees” some say they “want to be your friend forever. To always be there for you” and even though things happen and these words no longer apply, I edge you to please not give up on people, even when they give up on you. Maybe some of them just need time to realise they miss you, or some of them realise that they can cope without you, either way, they were once in your life for a reason and that reason is that you at least meant something to them for that amount of time, you meant something to their everyday living, even if that time hasno come to an end.

Anyway, I think that’s enough of me being emo. And now I have just realised I started biting my thumbs again even though I tried so hard to stop (and have been successful for the past three months or so). Sigh. I am very glad to say that in about 9 hours, this week will officially be over and hopefully the sun will start shining again.

Just remember to love, even if it’s the only thing you do. Just love. Because even if it doesn’t change anyone else’s life, it could change yours<3