Today I thought of you 118 times today. I know that because each time I had to remember to breathe. Then I thought about the number 118 and how the 1s stood side by side and then I remembered when you stood behind me and I could feel your breath on my shoulder. I liked the way they were equal, the way I imagined our souls to be. Sometimes You would describe a feeling and I could feel the way your heart was beating as if it were in my own chest.
Then I thought about the number 8 and how it was the most complete number I could think of. "You've made me feel more whole than I've felt in a long time," I remember those words and the night you said them and how you turned my world into the number 8 just by being in it. Now I see you, me, I see us, in every 8. Turned to the side, a symbol on infinity, the number of words I'd write for you until you came back to me.
So many moments passed that I wanted to share with you today. The way the weather changed almost as many times as I thought of you. How I wish I was sitting next to you on a couch while the rain kissed the windowsill and then how I wish we were walking through a park while we held hands and the Sun would tell us that happiness was something we had found in each other.
There was a spectacular moment on my ride home. As I turned onto the downhill, the perfect song came on and the clouds couldn't contain their secrets anymore and spilt their heartache around me. The moment their tears touched my face, I wasn't scared anymore, somehow I knew that things would work out and my feelings for you grew seven fold while I let go of the handles and trusted the winds to carry me to you. God, I wish that road didn't have to end.
But everything must end, the song, the rain, this letter.
We can't let that discourage us. We have to keep hope in our hearts that the world is full of spectacular moments and I have to keep hope that I will get to kiss you again.
Try not go to bed with a heavy heart tonight, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen.
Yours faithfully,
Jenique
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